Yes, I have a full time job! I just started my fourth week as an intern at Emergent Networks in Edina, MN. It is an IT company, which is actually a bit out of my comfort zone. As a computer science major, thus far I have focused mostly on software development and programming. That may be nonsense to some people, but just take my word for it that there is a big difference between solving a IT problem (like why somebody isn't receiving emails) and writing code (like creating a game or developing a website). It has been a good experience, although the schedule was a bit difficult to adjust to at first. Going from 0 hours of work to 8-5 every day is a big change.
I've been home from Ireland for well over a month at this point. I already updated you about my first few weeks, lots of sleeping and doing nothing, and also organizing my room. Since I've been back, I have continued to think about my experiences abroad and what's different now that I'm home. In the process I have been realizing a few things about myself, about the way I function and the feelings I have about Ireland.
I have been realizing since coming home that I need time alone. I'm getting more used to my new schedule and living arrangements, but it was hard right after I got home and it became even harder when I started working full time. I made great friends in Ireland, but I just didn't know as many people there as I do here. I shared an apartment, but my roommate wasn't around a lot of the time. I spent a lot of time in my room, which was completely my own space where I could expect for the most part to be totally undisturbed. In Dublin when I ran errands and went grocery shopping and stuff, I was usually alone. I hung out with my new friends while I was abroad, but I just got used to going out and doing things alone. I'm getting better at not getting frustrated when I don't have time to myself, but I still greatly cherish the time that I do have.
I've also been noticing that I am missing Ireland more and more as time passes. I don't want to say I'm "homesick" for Ireland, because I think I'll always consider Minneapolis home. But I keep going places and leaving a part of my heart behind, and the best way I can think to describe the feeling is homesickness. Ireland is one of those places. I don't regret going in any way, but there is a new ache in my heart that I never felt before. It will get duller as time passes, but I know it will never leave. And I don't want it to, because this feeling means that I found a place that is truly special. I think I'm musing on this so much now because one of my best friends in the world is currently spending a few weeks in Ireland. I was already there for five months, so I have no logical reason to be jealous of her. But I am jealous. I can't wait to talk to her and see her pictures, but I know it will also be painful to see them from somebody else's point of view as I sit here at home.
I have realized that I miss the simplicity I had in Ireland: I just didn't have as many possessions there. I always had enough food in the kitchen, but I usually bought it in small quantities and had specific plans for all of it. I really enjoyed making a menu, buying the food for those specific meals, and then using all of it. While it's nice to have a much larger variety of food and snacks and main pantry staples (like spices!) at home, I do miss the simplicity of having a plan for everything. With other things, like clothes and books, I just can't believe how much I own. That doesn't necessarily mean I want to get rid of things that I have here, but it does make me more mindful. I am very proud that, for the first time in a long time, I have gone through all my stuff packed away in boxes and everything has a place in my room. I actually have access to all of it! I'll have to do some more crafts and things this summer, since I actually have access to all of my craft supplies which have been packed away at home. Just this past weekend I got out an old embroidery project that I had started a while ago (probably a few years ago by now), and I have really been enjoying working on that.
I'm realizing that it's getting easier for me to casually talk about Ireland. That might sound strange, but at first being home just seemed so overwhelmingly familiar that I didn't talk about Ireland much. It seemed so hard to explain this huge experience that I had, five months of my life. It was easier simply not to try; there was just too much to say, so sometimes I said nothing at all. But please, ask me about it! I do like talking about it, especially when you ask something specific that I can talk about.
I am learning new things about myself even now from the time that I spent away. I suppose this is part of why we travel and seek new experiences: to give ourselves new challenges and learn from them. It's hard and painful at times; getting used to new surroundings is hard for me. But I am becoming increasingly convinced that it is important to travel, to try new things and to make ourselves uncomfortable sometimes. Total comfort and complacency isn't the way to grow, even though it's, well, comfortable. Okay, I'll stop rambling now, but I hope these thoughts encourage you to try something new that scares you a little bit. What's the worst that can happen?
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